Shadows
by AuroraTenchi
Summary: When the door to the afterlife closed, a lone figure stood outside, not entering himself. Yugi is haunted by this person as he grieves his loss after the Ceremonial Battle. Why is this person still among the living, and is Yugi's role over? YYxY
1. Prologue

I promised myself I wouldn't do this when I got back on here. But I feel that I need to just sit down and write. This is the only real premise I got going in my head, so I'm gonna go for it. It may fall into the pit of "never gonna get finished" like one of my other stories, but at least I'm working on something!

Truthfully, I came up with this question that is the plot of this story years ago. I am a cannon writer now, and a lot of my stuff will dwell on blank spaces and little moments in the show more than AU stories. Taking the original source material is what I identify with more in this couple, and for me, it's more of a foundation for their relationship when you look at the series. That's one way my tastes are different than before.

As promised on my tumblr, a "last night before the ceremonial duel" story is in the works. Not as soon as I thought. Plot bunnies seem to be scared of me now. I wanna do something unique. But I'm ranting. Let's get this started shall we?

I don't own Yugioh. Did you know that? No? Yes? Good!

LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELI NELINE

The rumbles started before my tears could begin to dry. He was gone. The puzzle was gone. My life was gone. Was that enough? Apparently not, because before I knew it, Jou-kun was grabbing my shoulder and shouting in my ear to run. His shouts made him sound like he was under water, even as he stood right next to me. All I could focus on was the closed door, and who was never going to walk back out. I was glued to the spot, the world around me fading. Gone. He's just gone. But I allowed Jou to awaken me from my grief-stricken stupor. If I don't run, I'll be gone too! I found my legs and began to run after the others.

As I turned, a gleam of white light catches my eye back towards the door. My mind was not capable of focusing in on more than one thing at a time, so I continued to turn towards the stairs. That light beckoned to me more than the mysterious white shape in the corner.

I'm the last to ascend the stairs, and for a moment, I contemplate staying there at the bottom. I could join him sooner. I didn't have to let this be it for me any my other self. The white light could have been there for a reason. Maybe he wants me to stay and be crushed by the collapsing temple.

"YUGI! NOW!" Jou shouted for me.

My legs carried me up the stairs, even though with every step upward the reality of what just happened. Every step echoed the same word. _Gone. Gone. Gone. _The sunlight was blinding and I nearly collapsed again. He told me to stand, but the moment my feet touched the desert sand, I felt emotionally drained. I stood out of the way of flying dust to join the others. I gave one heavy cough as the dust reached us and turned towards what was now a pile of rubble and stone. My breaths began to become ragged. My tears had disappeared, but reality was sitting on my heart like a large weight, suffocating word, gone, was being replaced by a new one. _No No. Please no._

I didn't noticed until Jounouchi stepped forward that everyone behind me was dead silent. No one knew what to say or do. We were all silent and still. I flinched when I felt Jou touch my shoulder again.

"Yugi?" he hesitated for a moment, waiting for my response.

The weights on my chest were making it harder to breathe. In my mind, I was searching. Like a blind man in the dark, I was wandering with my arms in front of me, searching for the normal source of my comfort. But he wasn't there. He would never be there again. I won. He's gone. That's that. No happy ending. There's just nothing.

My ragged breaths shook me as I nodded to him. "Yeah, Jou?" I wasn't even going to try to sound strong right now. Fuck, someone help me breathe. Help me!

"Did you want to stay here for a little while? We can wait here in the car for a little bit. Isis said before we left that she has some water in the car. Do you want some water?"

His concern settled my churching stomach for a moment. I nodded shakily.

Jou removed his hand from my shoulder and returned to the car near the canyon walls. I was fighting the weakness in my legs. Should I fight it? I didn't know what to do. I wanted to stay there, as close to the last place I ever will see him, as possible. But there is nothing there. Nothing but desert sand and sun. What does one do in a place like this? Do you stand and wait for death? Or do animals bring you food in the desert as you sit like the pining lovers of yesteryears waiting to see him emerge from the rubble and say, "Just kidding"?

I must have been losing it again and drifting off into that faded universe again. Jou took my hand and raised it. He placed the water bottle in it with his other hand and clenched my fingers around it. I muttered a thank you. In an almost trancelike state, the words were echoing in my head. _No. Gone. No. Gone. Gone, gone, gone… _My hands moved to unscrew the cap of the bottle. I felt everyone's eyes on me as I brought it up to my mouth to take a sip.

As soon as the water hit the back of my throat, it was like a revival. The words disappeared. All there was, was reality. My legs gave out and I landed on my knees in the sand, hugging my chest and sobbing anew.

My friends were on me in an instant. Jou had an arm around my shoulders, probably in an attempt to soften my fall. Honda was leaning next to me, his face tear-stained, but no new tears are forming. I notice this, even as my gaze remained in the ground. Anzu placed a hand on my back. I knew she was still crying small sobs. I'm glad she's not letting me see. She knew he was mine. They were all allowing me the room to grieve, because it's more my grief to bear. Sure, they knew him too, but he was mine.

I began to sob loudly as I realized that soon, I would have to get up and leave. I would take the boat back to Cairo and lie in bed. Alone. I would go home and sit in my room. Alone. I would be alone in the moments where I took being with someone for granted. I tried not to. In fact, I had thought I was doing a good job of appreciating him when he was there. But the pain tells me otherwise. The weights got heavier and began to hurt. My sobs got louder and I began to choke.

Jou put his arm around my back as I sobbed, my hands wrapping around fistfuls of sand. I lost the water bottle, but I didn't care. I felt another presense behind us as I continued to cry.

"Let's make this easier by getting him to the car now," I heard Jichan say. "It's best to let the healing start sooner rather than later."

I was limp. Jou helped me up to my feel and lead me to the car. He put me in the backseat. I felt everyone's gazes on me. The only person I made eye contact with as I sobbed was Malik. His eyes held some kind of loss and emptiness I couldn't place. I could tell his look meant he felt for me. I couldn't help but be appreciative of this. I didn't know him incredibly well, but a part of me knew that he understood in some way. Our gazes broke as he slid into the front seat.

Once I was seated, Jou buckled me in. My cries had calmed at that point, but I was suddenly longing to look upon the rubble longer. He could emerge! It wasn't my dreaming, it could really happen!

_No..no..no_

The doors to the car all slammed shut one at a time. Rashid started the engine. I snapped out of my stupor for a moment.

"No!" I shouted, my hands and face pressed against the glass. I suddenly wanted to stay. My eyes weren't leaving the site of his last steps. And the light.

Jou had a hold of my arms as the car started to move. I continued to shout and cry. My stare remained on the pile of rubble until it was no longer visible. From then on, I was left to my silent, shaking sobs. Jou let go of me once this happened and the drive became silent.

_Gone. _And I did it. I felt light headed. I won. I was supposed to, right? That was my mission. It was my job. He had to leave and take everything with him. Mou Hitori no Boku, my other half of my soul, is completely gone without a trace.

But the light… I opened my eyes to stare out the window at the moving desert surroundings. The light… Could it be a gift? One last fleeting piece of him. And I left it behind! He tried to leave me something of himself, of his time, and I blew it! The tears flowed more freely after this.

His final smile, and the light. Those are the only two things I had left to remember him by.

I didn't know why, but the memory of the light kept coming to me, even when my grief killed me the most on the journey back home. I felt all alone, but wondered what the light meant, if anything. For the moment, I had to figure out what the rest of my life could be without him. I didn't see any way it could be any good.

I loved him and he loved me, but had that been enough to carry me through the rest of my years?

But the light wasn't a light, it was a shape. A person. But I was right about something, he was there because of me. But when I went to bed alone that night, I didn't know it. I simply went to bed crying, as I had been doing all day. How much longer that would last, I had no clue.

LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELI NE

Again, I am a cannon writer. Bonus points to those who know who it is ;) Please review! s


	2. Chapter 1- Waking Up

I'm not exactly sure of what will happen in this story still, but I'm willing to press forward!

Did I mention that one of the things helping me get back to this is the fact that my wonderful boyfriend, chizdawg89, got me the entire series subbed DVD for my birthday?! Well he did! I absolutely love it! Hopefully watching it while working on this helps me concentrate on the original source material and characters.

I do not own Yugioh and all that stuff I've said sooooo many times before.

* * *

Days blend in with each other. Day turns to night, night into day. I don't even bother to pay attention anymore. Jichan brings me food as I stay in my room. I make the effort to go to school, but that's only to stop my mother's pestering. I often hear her ask Jichan to just tell her what happened to me, but Jichan refuses. She wouldn't believe. Even if she did, she wouldn't understand. They don't sound like they're far away or under water anymore. Though I take it as a sign I'm getting better, the pain resonates. It's physical and it makes me feel weaker than ever before. Every moment I realize he's not there increases it. I never rid myself of that weight on my chest.

_Gone…gone…gone_

Echoes will never let me forget how empty my room, mind, and chest are. While, in the figurative sense, my heart feels as if it has a hole in it, the puzzle used to hang in front of my chest. But there's nothing there. Nothing is all I know anymore.

This particular morning started out normally. Well, as normal as the previous three weeks had been. Jichan and I arrived home after spending two more days in Egypt. I couldn't tell you what exactly we did. I had reduced myself to a zombie-like state. I had promised him I would not cry, and if anything, my promises to him were all I had left to cling to in my post-Atem life. For now, I'm content to remain as numb as possible. The pain will come, but I'm learning to fight it.

My normal morning started out with me coming into consciousness. For a few seconds (or a full minutes if I'm terribly lucky), I forget. I roll over and think about waking up. Then I wonder if he's waking up with me. My groggy mind senses someone in the room. I assume he is sitting at my desk watching me sleep, waiting for me to wake up to prepare for the school day. My hand typically reaches out for the puzzle at this point. My eyes snap open in alarm when I find nothing.

Then I remember.

It's like watching him walk through the door again every single morning.

I bury my face in my pillow and will myself to go back to sleep as usual, but I'm far too awake at this point. In the beginning, when we first got home, I tried to comfort myself with memories. I'd remember how I would feel safe when he would watch me sleep. He never said it, but I caught him doing it enough times to know. That's how I knew it was ok to tell him I loved him. The night before we went to the museum to enter the memory world was one of the last times I caught him sitting at my desk as I slept. I wasn't about to let the moment pass.

"Mou Hitori no Boku?" my voice was strong. I hadn't been sleeping anyway.

He gasped and turned to me. "I'm sorry! Did I wake you?"

I smiled and sat up. "No, I can't sleep either. I'm…" I wasn't sure how to complete that sentense. I was thinking that I should say that I'm excited, but how much more can I lie to him?

He smiled sadly. "Aibou, have you ever wondered what my family was like?"

I shut my mouth and frowned. "What?" I started. "Um, not really, no. You never told me you wondered about that."

He shrugged. "I'm just thinking about what I may learn." His eyes wandered to the floor. "I never felt lonely here, so it never occurred to me that I would have people I once called family."

I smiled again. "Am I family then?" I bit my lip and awaited his answer. I thought of him as much more. They say love at first site is either non-existent or extremely rare. From the moment I met him, I knew I would do anything for him. He was my protector, but it was more than owing him something. It was something else entirely. I decided to love him quietly, and let the moment find itself. His response was intriguing to me.

He smiled warmly. "In a sense," he said simply.

I threw back the covers and turned to put my feet on the floor. He turned in his chair to look at me directly. I placed a hand on his leg. I wished that I could feel warmth radiating from him, rather than feeling a spiritual coldness. I wish I could get that without having to go through the next day. I pursed my lips. He raised an eyebrow.

"Remember what we once said in this exact spot?" I felt guilty as soon as the words escaped my lips. _Fuck, am I going to guilt trip him now? I don't want to be the jackass!_

His surprise turned to a calm sadness. "I know I made you a promise Aibou. But-"

Oh, here comes the _but_. Shit.

I interrupted him in order to soften the blow. "I also made _you_ a promise."

He stopped. His expression softened. I bit my lip. He thinks he's the tough guy, but his expressions always give him away. It's not the mind link that allows me to know his every though, he lets me know anyway.

"Yes you did," he said, seeming to know what I meant.

I nodded. I suddenly realized my fingers were grasping onto whatever semblance of physical form his pant leg was taking. Only I could touch him. He felt real to me. Over the years, that feeling had grown as our relationship did. It was, in my mind, a realization and physical proof that I was falling for him.

The only other moment I had felt to tell him about that last part was when we awoke after our battle against Dartz. Or how in the valley, I had wanted to kiss him as I faded back into my abyss. The whole experience tested me in my belief in what I had for him. I passed, of course. I never regretted any of what I did for a moment. But that night, in my bedroom, the night before our questions would be answered, I never felt the desperate need to tell him. It could have been out of a desperate thought that he may stay because of it, or simply the idea that I wanted one less regret to live with.

"I promised…" I paused, unsure of how to put it. So I moved my clenched fist to rest on his hand. "I promised I'd help you find your memories. Or, at least help you find whatever it is you need to realize what you're meant for. I knew early on in Battle City that your heart wasn't in it for the rare cards. I didn't care. I wanted to help you. I still do."

I held back a frown. Remembering those days was a little troubling some days. He had lied to me for the first time when he made us join Battle City. He never told me what he was looking for. I would never tell him how much that hurt, even more than the idea that he would leave someday. I took a deep breath in and sighed.

His eyes met mine. Fuck, those eyes…

I began to stammer a bit. "I…I wanted to remind you of that," I said, trying to keep my composure. I didn't want to look like the shy idiot again, but it was going to happen. I had to say it. "There are a lot of things people need to say before they say goodbye to someone. I just…wanted to tell you…"

He tilted his head and brought his empty hand up to my cheek. I took a soft breath inward when I realized I could feel it again.

"Mou Hitori no Boku…" Looking in his eyes, I couldn't quite spit out the words. I leaned forward…

As soon as my lips touched his… Oh, the feeling. I realized when we first touched that I hadn't pulled forward as much as I had thought in order for our lips to meet. He was kissing me back. He knew what I wanted and felt the same way. Our first kiss was tender, slow, but not necessarily soft. There was still that quiet sense of urgency as he held my face in his hands, and I wrapped my hands to grasp his arms. Only touches breaths were exchanged until we finally separated for good. Our eyes were locked on each other's and I knew. I just knew.

I gave him one more longing kiss on the lips and sat down on the bed. He gave him a quick kiss on the forehead before he stroked my cheek. He smiled and I gave a nervous chuckle.

"Goodnight, Mou Hitori no Boku."

"Goodnight, Aibou."

That was then, this is now. Our last words to each other were 'I love you,' and that's what I'm supposed to be satisfied with for the rest of my life. This is going to take up more of my life than my actual time with him. Remembering the same few years with him over and over again until I die. I close my eyes tightly, as if trying to refresh my empty surroundings and make him appear out of thin air.

I lay in bed like this until Jichan knocks at my door to come down for breakfast. It's summertime now, but Jichan always wakes up early to make sure breakfast is on the table for me while my mom heads off to work. Most of the time, she's gone before I tear myself from my bed. At least in my bed, I am given the time to forget he's gone and imagine he's still watching me sleep. During the month between our battle in the memory world and the ceremonial duel, he would sit on the floor to line his face up with mine as I laid on the bed and stroke my hair and kiss me awake. In such a short amount of time, that routine became the greatest moment of my day. Without it, I already feel as shattered as that routine.

_Knock knock._

"Yugi, you should eat breakfast. Your mother wants you to go job hunting today."

I hold in a groan. If I make any sound, it would now come out as one of those cries you don't know is in you until you have a reason to make it. I refuse to do that again. I simply get up, put on my clothes- who cares if they're dirty or not- and walk past the mirror to go downstairs. I can't even look in the mirror now. I think it's quite obvious why.

Downstairs, Jichan already has my breakfast sitting on the table. He motions to the newspaper next to my plate.

"This is your mother's way of telling you she thinks you're spending too much time in your room," he says.

Tucked under the corner of my plate is a folded up newspaper with the job openings listed in the classifieds. I roll my eyes and sit down. There's way too much food on my plate. He knows I haven't had enough appetite for this in weeks. Jichan sighs.

"I'm worried about that too."

I don't look up at him. I stare at my food and wonder why I should eat when I don't know what to do with the life that looks so empty. I don't want to starve to death. Hell, I don't want to die, really. I just wish I could see him again. Or, better yet, that I had never existed in the first place. Is there a way I could stop existing without dying? I break off a fingernail-sized bit from my bacon and rotate it between my fingers.

_Gone. Gone. Gone._

"Your mother doesn't have to know what happened, but I already do," Jichan continues, and I hear him surprisingly clearly. "It's been weeks. It's time to leave the house. Call Jounouchi. He's tired of seeing you stay in here too."

I fight the tears. I put the bacon on the tip of my tongue, bring it in my mouth and chew slowly. It's been a long-fought battle. The tears will win one day. I don't want it to be today. When? I have no fucking clue.

Jichan always seems to know what I need. He can't read my mind like my other self could, but he helps in more ways than even I'd care to admit. Now is no exception. He leans his back against the kitchen counter.

"Yugi, I know you can't imagine life without him. But this can't just be it. If you're going to figure it out, then you have to take a first step. Your new life won't just start because you miss him."

My head is downcast, but I look up at him. He doesn't look stern at all. He kept that same face throughout the ceremonial battle. I get the feeling he understands everything that happened to me and Mou Hitori no Boku, even if I kept it from him for most of the time. I'm not always sure why.

He slaps the counter and stands straight.

"Do the dishes when you're done eating. I'll be in the shop. If you don't want your mother bothering you like me, I suggest you make at least one call from that list there."

He's gone before I have the chance to respond. Once I'm alone, I pick at my eggs and bacon. I finally decide to eat one slice of bacon and one bite of eggs. I know my mother hates me wasting food, so I find an old empty bread bag and dump my breakfast in it. I wrap it up in old newspapers and bury it at the bottom of the trashcan.

I grab the newspaper and tuck it under my arm. Despite my grandfather's advice, I retreat to my room again. I sit down in the same chair the love of my life sat in the first time we kissed. I toss the newspaper down on the same bed I laid in the night I retreated into the puzzle to make love to him for the first time. I hold my forehead in my hands and I stare down at the desk.

I know I can't move on without taking a first step, but the first step sounds about as painless as taking a step into a barbed-wire electric fence. The tears win. I may be more hopeless than I thought. The tears blind my vision and I begin to cry quietly. The world now looks like a wet blur.

I allow myself to feel sorry for myself. I cry for what I wanted for us. I cry for the lonely nights I will spend alone every night for the rest of my life. I get lost in the grief.

Suddenly, a flash of white interrupts the watery vision I see through the tears. My head jerks up and I'm suddenly searching the room for the source. The white is gone. The morning light floods the room through the window, but that is it. The room is unmoving. I see no one.

Yet, I feel someone. Not something, someone.

I choke on the tears, but still manage to let out the words I haven't spoken in weeks.

"Mou Hitori no Boku?"

It's a long shot if I've ever hoped for one, but if I'm actually dreaming, it couldn't hurt.

But I'm not dreaming. I'm alone. He's not coming back.

I hang my head and cry some more. Quietly.

Again, after some more tears have blurred my vision, the white comes in a flash again. I stand up, knocking the chair over. I'm angry now.

"The fuck did I do to deserve this!?" I'm suddenly yelling upwards. "Do I really deserve to be taunted? I'm already dead! You hear me? Stop reminding me you were here!"

I don't care if I was heard. I yelled this, feeling unashamed and unhinged. I laid on the bed, burying my face in my pillow, letting out the cries of someone who knows he has no future. Nothing.

Eventually, I wake up from a grief-induced nap. I groan, feeling stiff and gross. My face is probably an unrecognizable mess. I sit up and run my hand through my hair. I'm numb again. Perfect.

Welcome to my life.

I feel something odd under my leg. I lift my knee to reveal the folded up newspaper my mom left for me. I frown. I feel something I haven't felt in weeks. The drive to do something. I immediately lay on my stomach and start flipping through the want ads. For some reason, I readily accept this new feeling.

I'm so immersed in my newfound task that I fail to notice that the white shadow has not left me.

* * *

Ta-da! Whew, that actually came to me pretty easily! I'm publishing this real quick because I'm about to go to work for a looooooooooong time. Haha, welcome to me writing fanfics while holding a full-time job. Review so that I will feel motivated to keep writing after my next online class starts in two weeks!


	3. Chapter 2- Participating

I'm lazy, so sue me. My next online class starts in just over a week, so get used to fewer updates. I have a piece of what I want my episode 220 story to include, but I still need one more aspect to add to it and then I will spit it out one of these days. I'm sure you'll all waiting with bated breath.

I don't own Yugioh and I'm too lazy to make that sound unique in any way today.

18558010780987452309861958752509875239867287681965 

_Ding. Click click, ding._

Jichan is out sweeping the front stoop as I sit inside, watching the cash register. I haven't had any human contact in over an hour, so I fill the silence with the register's sound effects. It's only so amusing after the first ten minutes. _Click, click. _Today is one of the slow days that make me wonder how we're still eating. It's sunny outside, but still, no one wants to take a walk down to our shop. Back in the day, Jichan would make me his poster boy, much to Mou Hitori no Boku's annoyance and disapproval.

"You and I had better things to worry about than the championship for the sake of gaining in the game in that way," he had said to me the first night my posters were slapped all over our windows. "I love you too much to let you be objectified and used that way, but if you say you trust your family, then I do too."

_Click, click-_

"Yugi!"

_Ding!_

Jounouchi's voice breaks my flashback and my head snaps up. "Hey!" I smile back at him. I've found I can smile easier now. It's a good skill to have gained, I suppose.

"Your grandpa says you can come out of here now, which is great cuz Honda and I were going to meet at the arcade! Wanna come?" His enthusiasm has never faltered.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been making an effort to participate. He wanted me to create my own, individual life, and I am trying my damnedest to own up to that. But today, I feel more tempted to stay home.

I shrug, trying to make my decision look harder than it really is. "I don't know. I think I'm starting to grow out of it. We are seniors this year, after all."

Jou rests his chin in his hand as he leans against the counter. His expression tells me he's not amused. "So? What are you going to do? Stay home and cry and not eat again?"

I meet his gaze with no emotion on my face. I mean to stare him down to stand my own ground, but inside, I'm wondering if he's right. Missing my other self still hurts, and my mind can't seem to sit still anymore, so it is very hard to distract myself with anything to keep me from remembering the constant chanting in the back of my mind.

_Gone, gone, gone…_

No, it hasn't stopped. No amount of arcade games or cash register rings can mask it for very long. I have thought on more than one occasion that trying to do something distract me is futile, so I may as well stay in isolation for the rest of my life. Then I tend to think that it would not be much of an existence, so why exist at all? These thoughts keep coming back to me, and I have had no luck in starting my own life. No new job to speak of, and no plans after high school make my future seem pretty bleak. What the hell am I supposed to do after school anyway? My top credential is the champion of a damn game. That doesn't amount to much in making something of yourself in the adult world. What good is independence and strength when I have absolutely nothing to apply them to in life? All I have are echoes and a noisy cash register.

"You were on a roll just a couple weeks ago, showing up for get-togethers and what-not, but the last few days…" Jou looks like he's examining me.

I keep my intent, emotion-less gaze at him. "The last few days, Jichan has asked me to help out, and it has made me tired. Maybe I just need rest."

"Yeah, cuz this place is a fucking zoo," he says sarcastically, motioning with the tilt of his head how empty the store is today. "You tell me you're not tired of acting the part of the person who doesn't care, and I'll leave you for today."

Fuck, he knows. To think that I'd have to ward off Jou's attempts to get me involved again every single day seems exhausting. I stand up.

"Just know, I will get tired real fast at the rate this place is running," I don't know whether to make it sound joking or serious.

His smile tells me that whatever tone I used was satisfactory. I manage a smile and follow him out the door.

My mother looks surprised when I come in through the door that evening. "You went out?" 

I nod and put my jacket down from its place over my head. Jou and I had gotten stuck in the rain, and my black jacket turned into a sub-par umbrella for me. I'd given up on wearing my school uniform, figuring the first part of growing up on my own should start with the mentality. sit down at the dinner table. My hands run down my bare arms. Being alone allows me time to remember advice he gave me, as much as I try not to remember due to the pain. Some of the advice involved getting rid of the, as he put it, "ridiculous arm bracelets." I had smiled when I remembered that, and haven't worn them since. I give a slight smile.

Jichan must notice this as he comes in the kitchen. "Did you have a good time?" His voice holds a certain amount of hope that I wish I could have for my own future.

I nod. "I forgot how good I am at some of those games," I say truthfully. To be reminded of a good aspect of my past was what I needed, but it wasn't strong enough to get rid of the chants. "What's for dinner?" Real life is now pretending I don't hear it.

It's leftover chicken. I still don't have my appetite back anyway.

We eat slowly while my mother initiates the normal questions and small talk. I tell them how many times I beat Jou-kun and leave out the part where we smoked behind the library. Sure, I tried it a few weeks back during my attempts to numb myself further, but it works about as well as any distraction. I wonder what he would think of my new habit. My mother goes into a rant about the fact there are only three weeks until school starts up again. I nod and respond the way I am expected to. I suddenly realize that Jou's threat earlier is moot in the sense that I am playing a part for everyone, not just him.

"I'm sorry you didn't find a new job over the summer, Yugi," my mother says, actually sounding sad about it.

I shrug. "I am too." Kinda. Sorta. Not really.

Mom seems to look over my statement. "Well, maybe you should look at the list of after school activities. You may be a senior but, better late than never. I don't know how I feel about you coming straight home every day as soon as the day ends. I let it slide the first three years, but not your senior year." I keep silent. Sometimes I know when to talk back, but this isn't it.

Jichan give a strong "hmph." His mustache twitches the way it does when he's annoyed. "I gave him plenty of hours this summer when we were home. It's not like I have allowed him to spend the whole summer in his room or playing video games."

"Then how did he end up at the arcade today?" my mother retorts. Hearing myself referred to in the third person makes me feel a little ignored. I play with my food a little bit, if only to make it look like I did eat while their attention is elsewhere. They don't fight that often, but my mother never seems to notice how much more Jichan has raised me compared to her. Or at least she doesn't care. This helps me not feel so bad that I can never explain to her what exactly I've gone through. What I'm still going through.

They continue to argue and I take the chance to slip away and back upstairs. My room is my sanctuary at this point. I lay down on my bed and sigh. What does each day hold? It's a mystery to everyone, but it's a scary one for me. It's like the hiccups: once the chanting is brought back to my attention, I wonder if it will ever go away. All I want is for it to end. Unlike hiccups, it doesn't. Thinking these things day in and day out it mentally and emotionally draining. I knew I'd miss him, but never this much. I had told myself I was ready for this. The one time I tell myself something and I believe it, I pay for it dearly.

I close my eyes. What would he say now? Listening to them fight downstairs. It doesn't happen very often, but I take myself back to the few times they fought when he was here.

"Did you see what Honda did today?"

I looked up at him from my place at my desk doing homework. He was sitting on the desk's corner, one leg crossed over the other, a smirk on his face.

"I, uh…N-no" I blushed a little, knowing I fell asleep in class again. No wonder I was getting mostly B's and C's. I kept my head down and buried in my work.

He nudged me playfully with his fist. "He was asked to stay after class for asking why we weren't studying more about pop culture. I think he said something about how he doesn't think he'll need to know history as much as he needs to know what is going on now."

I raised an eyebrow. "Since when is he so philosophical and outspoken? He wouldn't touch politics with a 20-foot pole. Much less actually talk back to the 'system'" I made air quotes with my fingers as I kept my head down.

My other self laughed a little. "Well, he seemed very concerned with this issue."

I smiled. "Why do you say that?" My homework was long forgotten about. I finally raised my head to look at his crimson eyes.

"Well, when the teacher asked him what is so important to know in current pop culture, his answer was some actress' boobs."

We both burst out laughing. His hand rested on mine and I felt warm inside. Whole. He sensed this and leaned in to kiss my forehead as my body rocked with the last few chuckled laughs. The kiss is soft and lingering. I close my eyes and take a couple deep breaths. He breathes me in and I turn my palm up to intertwine my fingers with his.

"Mou Hitori no Boku?"

"Yes, Aibou?"

I bit my lip. I suddenly forgot what I was going to say. This sent me into another wave of laughter. He raised an eyebrow but soon joined me.

In the moment, remembering this while laying completely alone on my bed, I suddenly remember what I was going to ask him. I meant to ask him if he knew of some homework I didn't know about from that class. Turns out, there was. I remember being a little mad at him when I sat in class while everyone else handed in their assignment. I had blushed deeply while sending him a mental glare. He had laughed, though he had not done it on purpose. I had tried to give him the silent treatment, but he had simply used that to his advantage to get me into bed that night. Don't ask me how. He had some kind of manipulation skill from his darker days that he could apply to any situation. Luckily for me, he used them to love me.

Little did I know the night we promised each other forever, and I realized my love for him, that this is what my forever would look like. His forever has his family and friends. The people who cared about him first get to keep him forever. I wonder if he misses me. I tell myself he does, but for some reason it never helps.

After we had made love for the first time, I remember we had laid together in his soul room, on a bed fit for a king. Our first time had been the night before we went the museum, neither of us sure if it would be _the _day we both knew was coming at some point. Turned out, it wasn't his last day wish me, but even in hindsight, I'm glad we did it when we did. I remember that was the moment when wrapping my fingers in with his made everything seem far more real than ever. I had touched every inch of him in the act, but lying with him in bed after, the slow, "solid" touches made me feel that this could be my forever. My version of eternity could be him touching me and loving me every night just like this. But no. All I have is the memory of his voice in my head.

I'm drifting off and on again between being awake and asleep. When I'm asleep, I can forget. Oh sleep, take me to that place where it doesn't hurt…

Suddenly, a flash of white light blinds me. It makes me flinch harshly and recoil to the wall. I remember… I saw it from the corner of my eye the day he left. Is this the same thing? I squeeze my eyes shut and turn towards the wall, trying to look away and stop the pain in my eyes.

The light dies down, but I remain on my side, facing the wall. What the hell is it? I'm almost scared to figure it out. Or maybe whatever it was is gone. Maybe it wasn't there to begin with. No, I've seen enough in my life to know that the supernatural is a part of my life. I lift myself up and turn.

Two green eyes meet mine. Their owner is wearing clear, long, white robes, much like what my other self told me people wore when he was growing up. The eyes have an intent gaze on me below the turban wrapped around his head. I take a sudden breath inward when I realize he's transparent, just like my other self. Come to think of it, I know that my other self and the thief king were not the only ones who were spirits of this world… My eyes widen as it finally registers in my mind. I had seen him for a moment before he was killed in the war against the darkness in the memory world… Yes. But it was long enough for me to remember the first man who told me about my other self.

Shadi.

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Congrats to those who guessed correctly! This took me too long to write. Like, almost 5 hours. Crap. I'm just not feelin it today. Please review and hope I get one more chapter in before my next online class in a week.

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